Learning

I behaved immaturely this evening. Math class was kicking my ass; I didn’t understand any of the new material we were covering. And so I reacted with anger, with fear. I bitched about how I will never use any of this crap in life. Why did I have to learn this? I did not understand it, so I persuaded myself that I didn’t want to learn this in the first place. That was a mistake.
Most of the time I do what I want, other times I do what I need to. The latter part irked me. Why do I need to do anything?! It’s preposterous! But then I thought, I do not actually need to do anything. I do not need to pay my taxes. I do not need to go to work. I do not need to learn this material. I don’t need to do anything that I don’t want to. I only need to do anything insofar as to accomplish what I want. If I want to make money, I need to work in some way. If I want to have a healthy body, I need to exercise and eat right. Some times the need is the surface stuff, things we may be distasteful and not want to do, but underneath that are the things we want to accomplish that can only to done through the needs.
I thought to myself:
You’re going to school not to get a degree but to learn right? So what the fuck you complaining about? You’re gonna throw a fit because for once you don’t instantly get the material? Learning isn’t going over things you already know, but thing you don’t know. It’s gonna be hard. It’s gonna be tough. With enough stick-to-it-ness you will comprehend it. So what’s it gonna be? Is this the extent of your desire to learn? Is this the extent of your endurance and resolve?
No.