Communication and the mindsets

Today I was talking to a friend. I was talking about communication and she was talking about something completely different. Go figure. I've noticed something when people talk. There are two types of communication that I usually see; the truth seeking "let's bounce ideas off each other" communication, and persuasive communication. The truth seeking form of communicating focuses on using reason, logic, and common sense to brainstorm new ideas, what ifs, maybe if this, and offers rebuttals in the spirit of finding the truth. Persuasive communication is just what it sounds like, persuading others to see things your way. These two types of communication require very different mindsets and qualities. Truth seeking requires empathy, a form of surrender. If we do not first empty our cup of tea, how can we taste someone else's? It requires that we leave our ego, our desire to be right and emerge victorious in our arguments, at the door. After all, he who wins all arguments never learns. We must put down our emotional baggage and attachments as well, and there are many. We humans are designed to learn from "failure," though I think if we do take something away from it all, it is by no means a failure. We must be able to put aside our own perspective long enough to try on someone else's. We must be able, and we must be WILLING. The persuasive communication has its place and purpose, to be sure. In fact, this blog entry that you are reading is a persuasive form of communication. It is at its best and most powerful when infused with emotion and passion. Being able to persuade helps one become a better leader. It requires vigor, charisma, and a deep-rooted belief that what you are selling is the best thing since Jessica Alba. Imagine if Martin Luther King Jr. just read verbatim from his notes, his speech of "I Have A Dream." Flat, emotionless, boring. Dare I suggest: limp? Do you think he could have stirred the hearts of so many people to fuel a revolution? So the ability to persuade is very potent indeed, but there are proper times for it.

This is what I usually see: Jen is using truth seeking form of communication, while Bob is using persuasion. The result? Bob ends up talking over Jen and just wants to win the "argument" and feel good about himself. It's even worse when you get two people both trying to persuade. It turns into a shouting match, a matter of who can be louder and talk longer. But when Bob and Jen both use the truth seeking form, then it becomes an interesting, enjoyable, and often times, enlightenting conversation.

I think many people have a weird idea of what it means to be open-minded. It seems like nowadays, if you don't automatically adopt the first idea someone throws at you, then you're a closed minded bigot. So here is my take on open mindedness, and this ties into the two forms of communication as well. Let's say I have a beanie. It's my beanie. I've thought long and hard about my beanie. I thought about my beanie in many, many different angles and I've come to believe something about my beanie. We'll call that belief "Belief A." Today I meet 100 people, all talking about my beanie. 99 of them say something about my beanie, but most likely they're all very similar. So I think about their beliefs (Beliefs B, C, D, E, etc...) and decide to reject them because I've meditated on B, C, D, E, etc... before settling on A. I would seem awfully closed minded to those 99 people though, wouldn't I? Let's say the 100th person I spoke to today told me something new about my beanie (Belief DD214) then I have two choices. Choice one is the truly closed minded response; hold on to my Belief A, simply because it's mine, and refuse to even consider the possibility that Belief DD214 might be right. Or I can take door number two; consider both sides, Beliefs A and DD214, weigh both of them and come to some sort of conclusion. What the conclusion is is unimportant. What is important is that my mind was "open" to the possibility that there may be something more true besides my Belief A. I cannot not let my emotions interfere, because it's surely screaming at me to hold on to my Belief A, and try to be "right." Don't get me wrong, I think emotions are great. I love my emotions almost as much as I love my beanie, but we need to learn to be able to compartmentalize. To be able to switch it on and off in a way as to be beneficial to us.

Note: The ideas above were really spur of the moment, so there are bound to be some rough spots in it. You get the general idea though. I can also be completely off base here, but I doubt it.