Ego VS Self

This is a conversation I had between my Ego (the more cynical and negative one) and my Self (the calmer, wiser, and more rational of the two.) I'm sure you've all had these moment before. This took place early evening of September 3rd, 2006. I was a little hesitant about posting this, as it is very personal and contains insecurities that I still deal with (I think everyone still struggles with acceptance and love as well) but I think it may help someone to see that we're all the same. We're all beautifully imperfect. =) Enjoy.

Ego: This sucks

Self : What sucks?

Ego: Everything

Self : Sounds like you’re a bit depress?

Ego: Ya

Self : What are you depressed about?

Ego: Everything. My plans aren’t going as planned. Not how I wanted it to go anyways, not as fast. I’m not making enough progress. I feel like I’m trapped.

Self : Why do you feel trapped?

Ego: I dunno, I just do

Self : What do you feel is trapping you then?

Ego: I dunno. My job, I guess for one. But I like my job. I guess it’s just the routines. They get boring

Self : And is that bad, routines?

Ego: I think routines can be good, I know what to expect from day to day, but I feel like there’s no excitement or adventure.

Self : Is adventure important to you?

Ego: Of course, that’s what life is all about!

Self : What do you think an adventure would be?

Ego: I don’t know, I’m so tired.

Self : You know, depression’s a choice.

Ego: Yeah I know.

Self : Okay then.

(A little bit later…)

Self : I sense that you’re hesitant to write all this down.

Ego: I guess, I’m gonna post it on my blog if I do write it.

Self : Okay one more time, why are you depressed?

Ego: I guess I feel like no one loves me

Self : Who should love you?

Ego: I dunno, but ahhh… never mind. That’s immature. I should love myself, and that should suffice.

Self : Should it?

Ego: I think so, that’s how I choose to live my life anyway.

Self : So it’s about you right? You need to do your work

Ego: Yes…